"He's Got the Whole World In His Hands"

The school year's almost over now. And I'm thinking of how much I could have done. How many more people I could have met, become friends with. How many days I could have made so much better by simply thinking about someone else. Sometimes it seems like everyone around me is just what they seem. Sometimes I feel as if I can judge a person by the way they talk, dress, or from the several times I've encountered them. Then I act as if i have figured them out, and I'm at authority to judge. But by then I've convinced myself that it's not judging if you already know them. But then again, how many of them do I actually know, think about, care about? Not enough.

The world is not me and my friends. The world is huge. I think about that and things tip the scale the other way. I can't fix everyone's day by a simple hello. Maybe in some cases, but most of the time, that's all it is. A simple hello. But I can't fix everyone's world. I can help, but ultimately it's up to them and God.

I get impatient. Sometimes it's like, ok nothing's happening, what's the point, why?
But I need to realize that I'm not that major player in the equation. Can my control freakness stop for a moment to think about how its trying to do the job of the Master of the universe?

I'm not the answer.

I shouldn't act like I could be the answer, because I'm not. I do what I can, and let God be God.
I don't know how its ultimately going to work out, or why or when, but my mind has to accept the fact that sometimes I will not know. Ever. Trusting someone you can't see is hard, that's why it's called faith. Why?

Sometimes I think myself to tears. It's quite embarrassing actually, because by now, I should be done and over and comfortable with this kind of stuff. And I thought I was. I should think twice before I think I've even come close to figuring out God. I'm not saying I'm having huge doubts that are messing up my relationship with Him, that's not it. But I feel like every once in a while, when I get too comfortable with my life, my faith and my knowledge, God gives me a wake up call to remind me that it's not about me, that He's huge and I'm little. That I'm trying to put him down to my level of understanding. Like Jeanna says, I tried to "put Him in my pocket."
But that's not the case is it. "God does not fit in my pocket" I will never understand, and I must accept that. Again.

I can't save the world, or anyone's day simply by my own power. I must let God work. I need to learn to do what I can, and let Him do his job. It can be a little unsettling or it can be beautiful. Knowing that someone's got things under control is nice to know. That someone isn't me and it never will. I must trust Him again, and again, and more than ever. My knowledge alone won't take me very far, but His, well He knows everything so why even try to pretend.

I've never had a situation where I trusted God and it turned out worse in the end. Yet I'm still sometimes hesitant about trusting Him. It's like when you were a little kid and you would jump of the table and while you knew that your dad has never dropped you and never will, you're still a little scared.

I think I need to let go. The world isn't on my shoulders. And when I stop thinking that it is, "me" isn't the top thing on my mind. That's ironic, but it's a lot easier to help someone out when you're not thinking of how you need to fix their day, but you're just trying to love them and pray for them and ask God to help them, because ultimately my words can fail and I don't know everything. His are a lot better and he knows heck of a lot more. I need to trust that He does what's best. It may not look like it to me at first, but I'd much rather have Him control the situation than me. I need to trust Him and not my own knowledge, and let Him do His will.

Maybe I just need to let go and let God be God. He's a lot better at it than I am.